


We're Losing Sleep (Talk to Me)

by hunghong



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, hoseok is lonely, hyungwon is awkward, mxray 5 references, mxray 6 references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 15:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9825668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunghong/pseuds/hunghong
Summary: Something is keeping Hoseok up and Hyungwon wants to know what it is.





	

Hyungwon climbs down from his bed after he realizes that Hoseok’s bed is empty. He sighs softly, ignoring the protest his body is screaming due to the lack of sleep. He pads his way out of the room, careful not to make any sound because Hyunwoo is still fast asleep and he doesn’t want to wake him up, then heads straight to the sofa where Hoseok is sitting quietly. This is not the first time that Hyungwon finds him like this. He just doesn’t know what causes Hoseok’s restlessness this time. Yet.

Plopping himself next to Hoseok, Hyungwon takes a peek on the tablet that Hoseok is holding. An episode of their variety show is playing on the screen. Upon realizing what it is exactly, Hyungwon’s heart goes warm and tingly at the same time. The tablet is playing the fifth episode of their show. The one where they had to take care of the kids in the daycare.

They settle without talking for an adequate moment. Hyungwon ends up watching the episode too and it ignites a whole lot of emotions and thoughts inside of him.

After a while, Hyungwon finally speaks up, “You miss them, hm?”

Hoseok takes a couple of seconds before nodding slightly, not tearing his eyes away from the screen. His eyes are becoming glassy, slowly but surely. Hyungwon doesn’t like this. He doesn’t know what to do when Hoseok is crying and it makes him feel useless.

Hyungwon feels awkward but he desires to do something. In other times, when the other members are present, being quiet is always enough because there will always be someone who will take care of Hoseok better. In other times, there’s Minhyuk or Kihyun. There’s Jooheon. Even their youngest Changkyun would know what to say better than him. But right now, no one is with them. Being quiet is no longer enough. Hyungwon has to do something.

“Do you want a hug?” Hyungwon asks gingerly. He remembers what the psychoanalyst had said about Hoseok and so that’s the first thing he’s going to try. He is unsure and not confident about it, so he decides to ask instead, but it just multiplies the awkwardness between them by a lot. 

Hoseok’s lips form a smile and he laughs a bit. A drop of tear escapes his eye and he just lets it roll down his cheek. “You don’t have to do that,” he says, sniffling lightly as he does so. “Just let me be. I promise I will be better comes the morning.”

“We agreed to talk,” Hyungwon counters.

Hoseok pouts. His eyes are still on the screen but Hyungwon could see that there’s something else going on in his mind. “It’s not important,” he says.

Hyungwon doesn’t buy it, of course. He puts a hand on Hoseok’s knee, pulling it towards him to snatch the older’s attention. “It’s important if it’s keeping you up when we only have three hours to sleep.”

Hoseok refuses to respond to that. He keeps his mouth shut as if he didn’t hear what Hyungwon just said to him. He focuses on the screen, which is showing the part in which a kid found him sleeping without a blanket, and he’s tearing up once again. Feeling like exploding, he gives up. He finally speaks up to Hyungwon. “Do you think they still remember us?”

Hyungwon leans back to the backrest of the sofa. Looking up at the ceiling, he breathes out, “I don’t know. I want to think that they still do, though. At least some of them.” Then, as the realization downs on him, he turns to look at Hoseok. “Is this what’s been bothering you?”

Hoseok’s eyes dart here and there. He chews on his lips before saying, “I just... I want them to remember me. I don’t know. I was afraid that they might get too attached, but with how I’ve been feeling recently, I guess _I_ am the one who got too attached.” He arranges his breathing and continues, “There’s this one kid—”

“Seonwoo?” Hyungwon’s eyes peer to the screen.

“Yes, Seonwoo,” Hoseok smiles a bit. “He was so kind to me. He made me feel... special. Do you get me? I feel warm all over and when I think that now he might already forget me, it hurts.” Hoseok clutches a hand over his heart.

Hyungwon hums. He understands what Hoseok is saying. He feels it too, but probably he’s not having it as bad as Hoseok.

“I thought of going there. I thought of meeting him once again and giving him like— probably some gifts or something,” Hoseok starts again. His voice is wavering. “But—”

“It might only make it worse,” Hyungwon completes the sentence, knowing how Hoseok’s brain is working.

“Yeah,” Hoseok nods. He puts down the tablet on his lap and throws his head back, trying to prevent his tears from spilling out. “I can’t trust myself. I can already imagine myself breaking down like a baby if I were about to meet him again. That’s how attached I am, I guess.”

Hyungwon takes a deep breath and releases it. Once again, he doesn’t know what to say. He moves his hand from Hoseok’s knees and grabs Hoseok’s hand, squeezing it tightly to give him some kind of support.

Hoseok forces out a chuckle. His free hand is reaching up to his face. His fingers are pressing to his eyes, wiping the tears coming out of it. “I’m sorry I’m like this,” he says. His voice is breaking towards the end.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” Hyungwon says immediately, not wanting Hoseok to feel guilty on top of everything that he’s getting through. Hyungwon has a hunch that this might be more than just missing a kid who is so dear to Hoseok. This might be more than that, deeper than that. He recalls everything that the psychoanalyst said about Hoseok—about the Mother Theresa effect and about the fact that Hoseok is lonely inside. He tries to guess. He tries to understand. In the end, he supposes he should help Hoseok with the problem at hand first before going anywhere, and an idea comes up to him. “You still have the bunnies?”

“Bunnies?” Hoseok asks, a little bit startled at the sudden change of topic.

“The one you gave to us and the staffs. The furry, fluffy ones?” Hyungwon helps. He still has his own, of course. He remembers how hopeful Hoseok was when he was distributing the bunnies around and he remembers Hoseok’s words right then. It was so everyone would remember him, he said.

“I have some extras.” Hoseok turns his head slightly to Hyungwon. “Why?”

“Okay, listen.” Hyungwon locks his eyes with Hoseok. “We have a couple of hours free tomorrow. I would love to say that we could meet them but we all know it’s a bad idea.”

Hoseok nods.

“How about leaving a present instead? Just go there, put the bunny in his backpack, then leave,” Hyungwon suggests. “I will be there with you, so you wouldn’t go astray from the plan. And even if you do, I will be there to... to help you, I guess.”

Hoseok only stares at Hyungwon for a while. He lets the idea sink and his smile blooms gradually. Hope is growing in his chest. On top of feeling good that finally there’s some kind of solution about this matter he has been dwelling with in the past few days, he is also feeling good because he feels supported and cared for. A few drops of tears are escaping his eyes again, but he looks happy now. He looks relieved. “You’d do that for me?”

Hyungwon smiles, reaching to run his thumb over Hoseok’s tears. Somehow, it feels comfortable to do this now. It feels okay. It feels appropriate. “I will. But promise me to actually _talk_ next time something is bothering you,” Hyungwon says, reminding Hoseok about the promise they all have agreed on. “If you don’t want to talk to the others, at least talk to _me_. We can’t afford losing more sleep.”

Hoseok grins so wide that his cheeks are hurting. He nods happily, giving his promise to Hyungwon without a word. His heart is beating faster, anticipating the joy he will be having tomorrow, appreciating the joy he is having now. His hand captures Hyungwon’s in his and he squeezes it, just like what Hyungwon did to him not so long ago. Sincerely, he whispers, “Thank you.”

Hyungwon nods. “Alright. What about going back to sleep now? If we want to go to the daycare tomorrow, we have to wake up early.”

Hoseok nods. He takes care of the tablet as Hyungwon strides to the kitchen, getting himself and Hoseok a glass of water. After handing the glass to Hoseok, Hyungwon begins to walk towards the room.

“Hey, Hyungwon?” Hoseok calls, putting the glass on the table.

Hyungwon stops and turns to Hoseok. “Yeah?”

“Is the hug offer still valid?” Hoseok asks. His eyes are directed to Hyungwon and his smile is as soft as it could be.

Hyungwon is dumbstruck for a couple of seconds, not expecting that to come from Hoseok. But then, he smiles and walks back to where Hoseok is with opened arms. Enveloping Hoseok’s figure with his embrace, Hyungwon whispers, “Of course, hyung. Of course.”

***

The next day, Seonwoo finds a bunny hanging on his backpack when he’s about to go home. A tag is attached to it and he tries his best to read the writings on it. Upon reading, he yells his excitement and hugs the bunny tight.

When his parents ask where he got the bunny from, Seonwoo grins widely while holding the bunny close to his heart.

“It’s from the best teacher ever!” he says proudly.

***

“Siwoo, what is this?” Siwoo’s mother asks after finding a small turtle plushy inside her son’s bag.

The toddler looks at it curiously. He extends a grabby hand towards the plushy and his mother gives it to him.

After being squeezed by Siwoo, the plushy emits a recorded voice, “Siwoo-ya, nyam nyam.”

The mother almost gets a heart attack from that, but Siwoo smiles widely, recognizing the voice immediately. Starting from that very second, the turtle has become Siwoo’s favorite. He refuses to go to sleep without it.


End file.
